you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
