im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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