Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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