so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize