I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
