I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
