i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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