apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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