i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
