If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize