Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
