either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
