The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
