why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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