Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
