he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
