I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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