things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
