Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
