am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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