how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
