so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
