Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
