I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize