You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
