This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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