I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
