did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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