Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He passed out mid-signature
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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