Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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