You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize