I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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