What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
