dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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