there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i think my cat just said my name.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
