hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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