just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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