Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
