True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
