dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
