I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So many bounce houses so little time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
