im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize