Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
