Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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