I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
