We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize