Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
