I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
