had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
