I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need to calm my uterus...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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