that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
