last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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