"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
