dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize