i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
