Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
