when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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