so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
