I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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