I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
