Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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