the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He better not be in your backpack
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize