haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
