We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
