ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
