You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
