Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
