Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
