just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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