hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
