blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had sex on a roof
Maybe he injected his testicle?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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