i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize