in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
