i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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