Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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