the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
