please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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