For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
