Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
