So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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