so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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