I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
