Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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