dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
