Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize