I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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