just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
