Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dick very happy bro
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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