i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
