Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize