I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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