Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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