You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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