i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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