I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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