I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
