He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
