i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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