Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
