Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
