Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
