oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
