Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
