She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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