But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
