So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
