OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
