Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
