I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
