I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
