wakey wakey hands off snakey
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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