I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We're too hungover to prance.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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